Sunday, September 9, 2012

Agle Janam Mohe Bitiya Na Kije!

I hear of  so many cases of female infanticides,foeticides  in news ,Well at  times I feel its valid.Yeah As I am writing this post,I am also figuring out where to head from here!
Being born a girl and that too in a middle class orthodox family of North India,Trust me is difficult,Especially when you struggle each time to prove that you are worth it! Alas,as world celebrates the ideals of Womenhood,More and more women venture out in this world and are creating a mark,On the other hand a lot many are sacrificing their dreams just because they want to be a good daughter.
This time I  too want to be a good daughter, I cannot go against my parents wishes and this time like a criminal who is convicted for treason I choose to be convicted because I was born a girl.
I never realised this could happen to me.I turned 26 this year and landed up a nice job where I am appreciated,where my team looks upto me ad above all I feel a value addition,Each day I feel more closer a step ahead from yesterday but Now what ? Its slipping away from me however desperately I try ,.......
All my Life trying to be a good responsible daughter all I did was neglect my dreams,sacrificed my choices chose a different way of life altogether.
Never even whispered in dreams that what my dreams actually were.......yeah When I wanted to dance,I chose to solve calculations,simply because if I qualify the prestigious IIT-JEE my Father would feel proud and then probably he would never even regret for not having a first born who is not a Son.With due Respect they love me a lot probably more than anybody else but Still the Social Stigma of just two daughters have bothered them a lot,I could always sense that particular thing and tried my hard to be the daughter who could be  a Son to them......
Now I failed........I refused to get married to the boy of their choice not once but Twice but still they have given me a third and last chance......It means I have no choice left.......
So My Life ends here ," I " in me is begging for mercy,Infact that wretched feeling of being defeated is so persistent.....
I donot even have time,Alls decided and finalised and I see my life ending before my very own eyes........Its not the first time that its happening there is a pattern in my life......
Each time and every time ...........I still remember how badly I wanted to run away from my engineering college and its terrible hostel but was not allowed,I still remember gulping down all those sleeping tablets just to avoid going back to my college ,how much I abhorred those data structures and C++/Java especially Mathematics ,those terrible meaningless lab classes where I always hated newton and Einstein .
Back to Square one ,the same options ,same obligations and same guilt of being born a daughter,The difference this time is however I survived my four years of useless education safely locking my dreams but now when I am actually living the life I always dreamt of ,I am on the verge of loosing it forever! Because this time its not a matter of 4 years of education Its My Life which is at stake.
I have always been a die hard romantic,a dreamer So Do I wait for the knight in shining armour to actually save me from this Peril....

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Amor cuerdo, no es amor.

Amor cuerdo, no es amor. There is No  Sane Love......As Simple as that !
True A Love which has reasons cannot be termed as love..Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired ! But that doesnot mean  a bout of attraction or lust driven feelings could be called  as love.
Love is a feeling between two individuals ready to merge their identity and willing to accept each other as it is!
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude towards each other that grows with time....That raw passion and the naked desire that reflects in the  eyes........Yes I am talking about that crazy drugged feeling of being in Love..
A love which is madness ,A love which is  intense .....

"Love comes into your being like a tidal wave … sometimes it withdraws like a wave, till there isn’t such a thing as a pool left, and every bit of your heart is as dry as seaweed beyond the wave’s reach" —Phyllis Bottome


A love where a mere kiss wouldnot  just be  a kiss but would be  able to evoke a charged explosive elements within which neither the mind could recognise or analyse....And this crippling confusion of mind and body sending a strange quivering ache deep inside which has never been known before by just a simple act of lips touching each other is what I feel is  Love.......

Yes Embarking on a Journey in quest of love........
........................Nunc scio quid sit amor

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Against the tide

So here I am back to square one...Same city  Same I ......Nothing changed..That dream of buying a Louis Vuitton or driving the Audi still remains the dream.I sound so materialistic ,agree I am but then who is not?
Its just that I atleast accept and the worse thing is that my happiness does depend on them,I am currently without any job and by my own choice,So that answers !
I might be materialist ,I might be somebody who prefer only Hidesign purses and Chanel perfume and wears only Zara/Gucci but when it comes to basic Moral I am proud that yet I have not killed it.

I am proud that I am able to walk out on a job that paid me well .....I am extremely proud that I refused to Give in....May be for others it would be a fool hardy decision when you have to got nobody who could support you..I am a risk taker and I am ready.
At this point of time deep down somewhere I have faith.I believe things will work out well,so what if I have to struggle.
I am a little afraid ,Somehow I feel all alone trying to figure out where Now!
Suddenly Life has started asking questions to me,Sitting on the rocks watching the tide smashing against those rocks I somehow feel the same......
So how does things shape up is a mystery......
Moving against Tide,Its my Journey.........which starts!

Monday, July 9, 2012

City of Dreams

City of Dreams...
City of Choices........
A city full of Decisions
A city of compromises
Never knew how I fell in love with this city ........
How the existentialism theory got stuck with the identity of this City.......
How from Zero to Everything .......and from Everything to Nothing this city stood by me......
From Walking all alone to being surrounded by Friends.......
Yes ......I have it all here..........
A beautiful Collage this city has become!
From Tears to cries of Joy.......
From Rejection to the Acceptance..........
From the several lovely moments to the heat wrenching loneliness this city has given me All............

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Indian Dressing: My Sarees

When I was a kid I used to learn about our National song,National flower and other things termed as National,somehow I assumed that For Women Sarees must be the National Dress!
No it is not Infact India boasts of such a varied and rich culture that it would be actually difficult to define dressing.
Anywhich ways For me up till now Saree has been the most glamorous attire and yes if I have to dress to kill,I will prefer draping  Saree .
The beauty of this attire is that its the most perfect 6 meter cloth which could be draped in many different ways .
Yes Multi styling infact I can wear it the traditional way,drape in such a way that it makes me look more sensual as in just highlights the curves or it could be the best to look that girl next door as well.
Well I mostly  have chiffon sarees,which also I shop exclusively from Jaipur,yes the Famous bandhini and the leheriya.
Infact the saree which I am wearing is also a special leheriya with a Rajputi Gota( Gota is a hindi word meaning lace)
One of the most important thing with sarees are the blouses to be worn with it,It is responsible for the whole look factor,yes as in Lets say if I have a party So My black Saree could go very well this halter neck blouse with a Sexy Knot.It is a tried dressing Infact I got hell lots of nice compliments and one can accessorize well with a diamond bracelet and Nice Stone studded Jhumka or To make it more artistic it could actually be worn with lots of Jewellery like I tried with this look.

Mumbai Monsoons!

Here comes the lovely rains.....Pouring all over Mumbai adding to the woes of daily commuters....Yeah Rains however lovely are also one of the major cause of concern in a city like Mumbai....

But then I am not talking about the negativity out here what I want to share is my First experience of Mumbai Monsoon captured beautifully by lenses
If you see the beauty of the city ,no other city in India would look as lovely as Mumbai...Yeah Driving through bandra Worli Sea Link,Just stop the car a little on your left and lower that glass pane.......Switch off the AC and yes...you would get an idea how heaven would feel like............


I am in love with the city...May be thats why all I can see are the beautiful scenic views this city has to offer.................

First showers of Monsoon and actually walking the promenade ,the sea striking back and forth ............how could I not be smitten by the majestic enchanting view...........Spell bounding and a feeling of pride!
And how can I forget that lovely down stretch when you take that right turn from Mt.Mary church towards Bandstand.....How often do I just walk down and yes I call it walk of Life..........Its one of those rare experience and especially in these Monsoons...When you could actually feel those cool droplets over your face that breeze soothing all the tense thoughts and the closeness to Nature.......
That bond between Nature and Man just gets strong .............
My Monsoon experience has been as of now Fantastic...The city as everyone says becomes difficult to commute and is also famous for its dangerous Monsoons........But then when Man goes against Nature he has to face the brunt as well......

Nothing like Mumbai Monsoons and eating "Bhutta" in the pouring rain..........walking down the sea side.......and living every moment of it!
What else you could ask for...Well for me the onset of Monsoons is significant...Its my first rains in Mumbai and I am making sure I enjoy every bit and pieces of it...
Yes Be it walking in the rains alongside the fearful sea...Be it being there on the Narimam point to Enjoy the rains with garma garam chai...........or be it a long drive over Bandra Worli Sealink...........
No stopping at all the fun and the excitement of being in the city of dreams.......where each moment inspires to live,Yes Mumbai has taught me a lot! Mumbai never stops,never cease to  work and Kudos to the spirit of ever awake Mumbai!

Yes it is so very true Mumbai never sleeps.........

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I Exist !

. 
Life has always been generous enough to make ways for things I have always wanted,at times cruel as well to snatch things/relations which also I thought that moment that I wanted! It always has been a learning experience though..
My Twenty six years of Life have had many twists,many turns and many upside downs but all resulting in one thing a great Learning experience..
As of Now also am going through a phase where things are little bad ,Still I constantly remind myself I exist!
I have to breathe,continue working hard towards my dreams and yes believe that there is one master plan that is for everyone,Even there is grand plan that Universe has designed for me...So whatever happens happens for the best,Its an affirmation that I too exist !


I want Life to surprise me,inspire me and make me feel alive each and every moment!!!!! Thats all ! Life is in living,It goes on.......I exist very much

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Guilty Pleasures

The truth be told and few be  admonish..
I be there with you, in yours arms and all the resentments vanish...!!

While I could be in love with you ever and ever...
Please Say that you would be with me always and leave me Never!!!!!

Kiss me and Kiss me again..
Yes under that tree amidst the Rain.......

Those Guilty pleasures......
The Burning passion ,
That raw Ecstasy which can never be measured....

Summers dressing-Girly and Glam

So Summers are around the corner..Those times of the year when the sun tan becomes a reason to be worried,When every week you need a  de-tan ,Especially when you are  living in the North regions of India..
Nothing can beat the heat is true if it comes to Delhi/Jaipur..Even Mumbai has its own shares of heat strokes!!!!! Humidity adds n to the blunder..
Only tip- Drink lots of water and Dress Light! Anyday Cotton to beat the summer..
Pastels are in these days..
Cute frocks and Cotton flowery print tops,large shirts are ideal for a day time look matched with belts which are floral and colorful and other accessories if you want a little dressy look. Another thing is pairing up jeans with light colored tops

When it comes to footwear flat chappals for this  Summer...There are pleothera of choices available...One can carry a cottn frock with that same air of style plus anyday its just so much comfortable...When matched with right accessories It looks glamorous as well...
My look for this Summer is plain flat cute girly chappals....A really spacious bag so that I can carry bottle of water with me....Hairband to tie up my hair as the heat increases....Few other tits bits to add more fun to the casual cotton look ,and yeah  Not to forget that fuchisia lipstick.......All girly and Glam

Thursday, March 15, 2012

As if words were not Enough..



Lost myself when I looked into your eyes...
Found myself when you looked into my eyes..
You cupped my cheeks and kissed me wild...
Making my heart go through a whole roller coaster ride....

I couldnt tell you then because words wouldnt have been right...
But yes at that moment precisely,I gave in,surrendered myself as I could no longer fight.......

 Te Amo............for this is again one of those beautiful Night.......

Monday, March 5, 2012

You lied I cried...

As the stars appear in the sky...
The darkness of the Night,the Silence around me and the Emptiness inside me echoes the same cacophony !
Nothing changed..You lied and I cried...
Infact I wondered there was nothing to hide...
But Still.....
Haunted by truth and tormented by the lies...Wondering how to react and where to confide...

Friday, January 27, 2012

A Difference,A change

What just starts as a passion turns out to be desire.A strong desire to value add,to be of value add to someone else's life,and they are not just anybody .They are those children ,the urchins whom we see daily playing over the side of roads,struggling for survival and still having that light in the eyes,still having a dream,yes they do have a dream to fly planes,to be a doctor,to be a driver or to be a hero like the one they see in the banners.They also sing song and chase birds,they also play and fight but the only difference is that while they are like every other children around us ,they still are not sure what they are going to eat or whether they are going to eat.
Yes A nation like ours where we talk of equality ,We talk of freedom,We talk of Democracy ,and Republic,Yes India celebrated  its 63rd Republic yesterday and there was lots of celebrations around the world amidst Indians and India loving people.


But what I meant to say that Why are these children deprived of their basic rights,their basic right to live.I donot believe in materialistic pampering of every kid but atleast the bare minimum nutrition,the primary education and yes right to live their life as children.
How many children are forced to bonded labour,forced in prostitution,forced into beggary..Countless.There are no exact stastics available.


Each day While from home to Work I cross such a huge gathering of children excitedly picking up rags,yes they are the rag pickers.I asked them Didn't they go to school? Yes we wanted to but if we go who will earn? Came the quick reply and that too very astute! Yes I was not surprised...
I always believed that there are no problems but only solutions.So what would be the Solution to this.....?


When I was in gurgaon,I was associated with a project called Prerna


-Even Till date I am very closely attached to the progress and all happening at their front but After relocation to Mumbai,Active Participation is not possible.What I realised from the interaction with the kids their that merely a primary education ,enrollment in schools are not sufficient,I agree basic education is mandate but what is more important is that they become self sufficient enough to atleast have a proper meal,for that they need to earn and yes being borm below poverty line certainly doesnt entitle you the lavishness like the life of those children who just had to concentrate on education rest taken care of,No! These children have to survive...They need skills which enables them to earn and fend for themselves and yes accompanied with  the education.
Alphabets are their best friends they need to realize but what is more important for them is Need to survive,and that could only be fulfilled if they get to eat and live .
Thats where The "I" in me struggles ,struggles to create an environment of change where these kids could have one right ,One Right to Live .I remember my childhood fondly and How I wish for other kids like them to have that childhood returned back to them......


There is a desire to bring about a difference but still juggling ,struggling from the mad rat race syndrome ......I am desperate to chase my dreams where I never have to see a child sleeping without eating ,crying for food ,deprived of the basic right to Live,deprived of the right to be human......I still struggle and the Journey is yet to begin in that right direction...
After all "Childhood is the world of miracle or of magic: it is as if creation rose luminously out of the night, all new and fresh and astonishing. Childhood is over the moment things are no longer astonishing. When the world gives you a feeling of "déjà vu," when you are used to existence, you become an adult."

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Its the love effect





P.S- This title of the blog came up to me in the end of this post as earlier I had decided to title it as "Living the Moment" but Alas! Its the Love Effect



..............................................................................




Yes All we are fond of the good things in our life and those good things make up good moments...

Collective Moments form memories! but what about essence of being alive with each breath....

Each living moment as beautiful as coming the one as precious as the last!

After all In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away...

Life is not only about just coping up and surviving.Its those little things that matter .those dreams that we dream,those memories we cherish...

Its all about Emotions/feelings in the end,yes we are made in such a way that our emotions constitute the large part of our existence...Be it love,anger,hatred,compassion......Nothing like the celebration of life with the ones we love and yes Nothing like that feeling when we truly realise that yes our Life is not just our Life anymore,Our Memories are not ours alone,and Our Moments are not only ours...Its one of those phases where we are in love ...

Then there is also a phase where one starts to blog about something and ends up blogging again about that special person that special moment...yeah guess Its me...I am way too much in love these days! yeah I wanted to blog about living each moment as much as any other...but look What I am scribbling ,Its the love effect ...but whatever it is Its very lovely!




Indeed All the Moments ,All the Memories and this very much Life....Everything is just the way It should have been or else something would have been Missing...To live is the rarest thing that most people do,Many just exist but Now that am living life am actually Loving it....
With or without Love ,Life goes on but its just a salt -pepper combination...We need to be alive , like  as we need to breathe in and out ....Its the way we are designed....

This I came across while browsing over the net and found it just so apt! yes I am unperfect and its nothing but the Love Effect.....

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Yes you were there in my thoughts...

Yes you were there in my thoughts...
Yes you were there  very much  in my heart....

Those silent whispers of my heart...
Those silent prayers of my lips...
Lingering like an unspoken hope



We walked hand in hand...
Covered Miles around but what remained was the  Distance between us...
Eyes  speak but you never saw ..
Celebration of an epiphany of love Still Remains..
Confessions of Feelings still a question....
Comprehending An eulogy of the relationship at times becomes difficult Nevertheless With tear blurred eyes one has to write......


Saturday, January 14, 2012

Things that a Woman Want!

A happy Woman is a myth...I have heard it several times but then this statement itself  is made by some man...Men ,the word itself conjures up an image of those helpless types who dont even know where they would be hadn't it for we Women,yeah from the very beginning they are just so dependent - first its their mothers ,then their sisters ,some best friends from school or their never ending girlfriends! Give we women a break!
Come on We Deserve it from the era of serving you,pleasing you and just making our life as your life,Now We want to get free.
We would like to be independent of the thought that somewhere some Man is expecting us to come back home and cook dinner for them...
We would like to make decisions of our outings irrespective of your scheduled meetings and meetings...
We would love to shop just for ourself not trying to figure out which shirt will  hide that stomach paunch of yours...
Yes,We woman whom  you adoringly call as your wife/girlfriend/mother want our life back......
Even when it comes to the food its you men who have their choices ,We just need to cook and impress you with our culinary skills....
We Woman want to break this shell of dressing up for you guys,For a change why dont you Men develop your style and if you are anyway stylist then your orientation definitively  is towards the same gender,So much for the ideal Man description...
and yes We are tired of giving you men  a free hand,All you could ever do is run it all over.....We Woman are created for a reason to keep Men Sane but now We want to break free...
We are tired of you Men over analyzing our behavior ,Can't you understand that we dont need anything We just need one thing and that is freedom to be ourselves....We have given our whole life to you as a mother,as a sister ,as a friend ,as a lover and yeah the most important as a Wife.......
Now We dont expect anything but just that one little thing that is freedom of being an individual ,with you being always there ,with all the love reciprocated with all the tenderness showered......with all those perfect moments.........
We are not complete without you but We want you to know as well that you are also not complete without us......

Sunday, January 8, 2012

That one person.....

Never accepted this but yes how that one person can bring in a change,that realisation itself was enough ,never felt like exploring the other side..
There are times when you are at your best and there are times when you are at your worst,at times to vulnerable but for me there has been a time when I have tried to run away from situations,tend to cut down the particular portion for ever and ever and blocking from memory and mind...But Sometimes Its not enough! You can recover from a bad relationship or a bad illness but you can never escape from somebody who's been all but good to you!
That one person in my life who came out of nowhere made me realise the importance of acceptance of oneself as who you are not as what the people around you expects.At times,It becomes just so difficult to cope up,there are peers,there are parents and there at the back of mind theres this particular person for whom the heart skips a beat.......
And all the mind is fixated is just how to be in sync with his/her........That one person is enough to bring the smile to otherwise dull face,that person becomes the center of existence and that one person just becomes a part of your Life forever!
We have an object of adoration ,and we feel that He/She is all we could have ever wanted and that one person makes you feel like a fool for having believed otherwise.......
For having questioned that Fairytales donot exist,but in real That one person succeeds in weaving a whole fairy tale with that magic wand of love...Not only The union of heart but also the Connection of mind.......with that one Person the Soul speaks........the language of love whispered amidst the shadows of two bodies........Those essential meetings,that growing of fondness and that mutual admiration blossoming  full fledged into a special relation of a Life time.....That Eternal Love never felt like before,with that One Person.......

Picking up the Pieces

Yes Its the New years Second Sunday ,Could have been a Perfect Sunday if at all I could have all that I never had......
Picking up the pieces and Moving ahead,Isn't Life all about this! Summation of Life is done mostly in three words......It Goes On...So Does We......For me Acceptance has been difficult
Struggling from an impecunious state to juggling between desire and need is tough,Sometimes Its just that there is nothing left,Starting from a Zilch again is Like as if you have just been born but while there could always be a fresh start but what about the wounds that have yet not healed....
I needed to confess something I always thought I am in love!
What I never realised that is that the need to love or the need to be loved that is driving me towards this particular relationship.To be honest I never had an affair,yeah Not the affair ,never had mushy-mushy talks,For me I always tend to create a world out of this real world and tend to limit myself to that,So the possibility of real relationships and meeting ,exploring the real aspects was minimal,I did suffer eventually!
Now The reality is that I am all by myself,Friends........Well I am a failure,Few good friends I made on my way from school to college are no doubt have been all supportive but then thats it,what I missed out is a real set of friends having shared experiences , sharing the trials and tribulations!
I donot have any college day memories lingering when I visit my engineering college,I was far too busy complaining that how I never wanted to be tortured for four years of engineering,I was pretty bad...
What I have always been good with still remains a question which I need to answer,I mean Do I have any particular quality.......
I love dancing but then have I ever even dedicated an hour to it! Not that I remember,I love dreaming,I have so many plans but when it comes to the execution part I badly fail.......
Working on the weaknesses is another challenge which I need to take 2012 but yes Foremost and important I need to be honest about myself to myself,I can no longer afford to live in a fairy tale but then I donot want to be brittle!
Few people come in our Life and makes us realise What we exactly want,Mumbai gave me a golden chance to connect with such people........
Meeting "A" for the first time was itself a realisation,which I tried to ignore but Now After five months I need to be honest and yes am proud that though I have disconnected myself from him but I confessed as well......

I no more want a relationship out of fake premises.The  root has to be nurtured in the soil of honesty......Given He is such a great guy I could atleast do this for him if not for me :)

Picking up the pieces and Venturing all alone,Looking for a way out there with the unending dreams............