Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Science and Signs of Emotions: Workshop that proved to be changement de vie

Perhaps all these years I have lived in a denial mode. But as it is said you cannot run away from the past. We maintain OMerta throughout; Code of Silence about abuse in Indian households prevails. Aren’t we all proud of it?

Vinco Vici Victum, we have conquered, overcome, mastered, won, surpassed, and excelled at concealing cases of child sex abuse happening around us. A lot many of us have been at the receiving end too. A home is the safest place for a child to be born and brought up in but what happens when the child grows in the environment of fear. A fear that the child cannot explain to anybody, cannot or don't know how to voice it. I hail from a reputed middle class family of North India. To be precise a joint family consisting of doting uncles and aunts, of many relatives and neighbors. But then too there is an instance when I felt unsafe, did not know what happened or preferred to shift-delete that experience from my memory.

It is just not me; many of us suffer similar mortifying experiences. These experiences are then followed by experiences of silence, deleting the memory and what more pretending that it never happened.

It was the year 2012 when I was living in an upscale society of Bandra West, Mumbai. I had reputed neighbors, usually not much socialization happened other than society meetings or festivals. I have always been loved by children and I bond with them easily. There also I developed close bonding with a ten year old girl Srishti.
Srishti used to play in my flat and usually ended up bringing her school homework at my place and completing it in the meantime. She hailed from a broken family. I knew her mother and we too became good friends. It was in one of the conversations that Srishti started asking me about rape and what it is, totally taken back by her innocent question; I dismissed it as the product of watching news. It was an era of sensationalism journalism. But eventually she confided about her fears. Harrowing details of what that Pedophiliac was doing to her.
 He was her mother’s boyfriend, who used to visit them often. He also used to visit them when her mother was not around. He had the keys to their home. She did not know what was happening to her, was as confused as I had been but more determined in the fact that she did not want more of it and needed help if at all. Where I had the privilege to be born in a family which was full of people to love me and protect me, Srishti was from a broken home. All the more it was difficult to her to seek help and support. I confronted her mother, what broke me was her mother instead of supporting her ten year old daughter, supported her boyfriend stating that her daughter is jealous and possessive. Her mother in a mild note added that single girls like me should focus on our life rather than snooping around. What disturbed me most was before this incident I was their favorite charming neighbor and then I was a neighbor who could be a possible threat to her reputation. Srishti’s mother dismissed me with eye-rolling disdain. I kept on wondering how can a mother be so detached, indifferent to her daughter’s pain. Mothers are the caretakers of children they bring in to the world. 
I could never let this happen to anybody’s daughter nor should be allowing anybody to do it to their daughter. Alas they were just thoughts in mind which I never actionated. I proudly call myself as having very strong maternal instincts towards children that explains their natural affinity towards me but how I reacted then till date I remain ashamed of it. May be that’s why I am confessing it here.
Work occupied most of my waking hours but this incident gave me sleepless nights. Unfortunately I was afraid, convinced myself that I am helpless and that I did enough. As expected the little girl was not allowed to visit me and long hours at work did not give me time to check on her.
My maid informed me after few months that the mother and daughter duo have moved out possibly to that pervert’s home. No forwarding address left.
Life moves on, infact now I have relocated to a new city. However still remains that guilt of not protecting Srishti and not being able to do anything about the fact that she trusted me enough to confide in me. 
I did not even discuss it with anyone. I too convinced myself that soon it will get over and Silence is the best option. I did not raise my voice against child sex abuse.
What goes around comes around. This Saturday was such a day. A workshop which I attended purely by chance by cancelling the non refundable flight ticket to Mumbai. Till the ninth hour, I was not sure if I would attend the workshop. The reason was not my plans for Mumbai but the fear from the past.
The workshop was conducted by Srishtilife Foundation. It was titled Science and Signs of Emotions. The particular name reminded me of my dear friend Srishti and brought back floods of unpleasant memories. I became afraid yet again. But this time I decided to face the reality and attend the workshop. Miracles happen when we expect least. It happened for me. As I write this I send my prayer of thanks to the divine for finding a way for me to fight the ghosts of the past.

Srishtilife Foundation’s website says Srishti is on its national campaign to Save A Child, Save A Smile. I would not be able to do justice to the idea behind Srishtilife in one post, but humble request to all of you to visit their website www.srishtilife.com and check for yourself.
What moved me was that how maturely and in sensitive way the whole issue of creating awareness against CSA (child sex abuse) was dealt with in a short span of time. In the last part of session, in just limited time, the whole idea was explained.

The workshop didn’t get too heavy for me as I had expected. Nor did it deal just with the Do you know facts or retelling of the horrifying incidents one by one. The whole workshop was designed in such a way that when after the workshop one stepped out from the hall, he/she had gained a Mantra which if used is going to empower and change his/her life forever for good. I did not mean that we need to change the way we are but on introspection we would realize that how a simple mind shift helps in dealing with particular issues that are constant threat to our peace of mind.

What took my breath was this  team of dedicated amazing people united in a cause, volunteering together to create society free of child sex abuse. The website says that they are neither funded nor they accept donation of any kind. These workshops are conducted on a regular basis on various issues. I repeat the experience which I had on Saturday is an experience which can be experienced but not explained. The positivity and the aura in that whole room were angelic. The lady who is the speaker herself is the product of divine intervention.

Why am I putting her on pedestal is for once there is a person I have met who defines the term Angel. She is the epitome of perfection. I correct myself, she is Perfection.
While I write the experience of workshop I attended on Saturday, certainly I am not doing justice to the content of the workshop. From CBT (Cognitive Behavior Theory to Child Sex Abuse) several topics were addressed. From frontal lobes  brains has one,I might have studies at some point )contribution to the emotional patterns, there were topics discussed which are powerful enough to impact person’s holistic development. Needless to say everyone who attended the workshop would term it as changement de vie, as it indeed was!

Worth mentioning is one of the tasks in the session where every attendee was asked to write down the challenge in a piece of paper and then apply the techniques told in the workshop and check for themselves if the challenges are solved or not at the end of the session. After few hours, She asked if there is anyone whose challenge is not resolved and everybody in unison said No!

The idea of writing this long article is just my way of summarizing the inner turmoil which I had gone though and how that day I got the answer.

I whole heartedly thank Srishtilife Foundation for conducting such a value adding workshop.

I appeal to everybody who is reading this, to every mother, to the victims, to the survivors, to all the single girls' like me don't hesitate to speak up. Let’s give children a safe society. Let’s make our homes/schools safe. Let’s give our children a happy childhood, beautiful memories and smiles. I wish to bring my child to the safe society, abuse free society and in an effort to do so I have to start now.

For more information on Srishtilife Foundation, please visit their website and also attend their workshops. Trust me, it would be a true value addition!

Some facts worth mentioning:

India - a nation of child sex abusers?
A survey conducted by Ministry of Women and Child Development in association with the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) and a few Indian NGOs working for child's rights found that more than 53% of children in India are subjected to sexual abuse, but most don't report it. The survey was conducted in 2007 and covered 13 states across the country with a sample size of 12,447. Twenty percent of these children admitted to being aggressively assaulted: they had either been penetrated; made to sexually fondle an adult; or been forced to display their own genitals. And clearly, gender is no bias where child sexual abuse is concerned: of the 57 percent children who said they had been abused, more than half were boys. According to the National Crime Records Bureau, a child goes missing in India every eight minutes. 48,838 children raped in just 10 years. This figure is National Crimes Record Bureau statistic. Child rapes have seen a chilling 336 percent jump from 2001 to 2011.
I gathered these data over internet. Meanwhile as I google, I read many articles from the Survivor of Sexual Abuse to the horrors of Child Sex Abuse. Needless to say it is depressing to read about the plights of so many children who have had to suffer because of our Lack of Voice.

Sunday, June 22, 2014


The literal meaning of the word "Surrender" is Stop Resisting or to submit completely .
Timing is everything.A smart person knows when to resist or when to submit.
I am a believer.A believer in Fate.A believer in Destiny.a believer that whatever happens happens for a reason.A believer that the architect of our fate is that Supreme power whose authority everybody accepts.
Religion try to name the architect but he is only one..deep rooted in our culture,foundation of civilizations,present in each living being.A guide when required, a healer when requested,a helper when asked.
Surrender when hopeless.

Surrender when in despair.
Surrender when in doubt and Surrender when in threat!
I surrender myself to the Universe allowing my desires to manifest right here right now.And I know some where somebody is working on it.
Things are not going well.
Infact my life could be taken as an ideal example of Failure,of .Blunders and of Foolishness.I am not ashamed.I am proud that with the problems around me I still have remained intact,in one piece and I try,I try hard to remain myself.
I smile each day.I am grateful for yet another beautiful day.I feel happy and I feel beautiful
I reinforce my belief in surrendering completely.Thing are not falling together.I am clueless.I am standing at one of those cross roads of Life where there is one way which leads towards  my destiny.Hence one wrong choice and I would be doomed.I am twenty eight,single,jobless but in love.
Well I am in love with myself,perhaps that's what keeps me going.
Each day I woke up,I say Thankyou.
Now since I am learning to Surrender I strongly believe that there is another way out from this dire situation.
A Miracle awaits me.
Infact Universe must be planning something really grand
As I apply coat of flour scent orange on my nails,I could feel my life is soon going to be as colorful as my nail paint .
With this positive note I wish you all a happy Weekend..with backyard barbecue  and long
sunny days.

I am not religious but I believe in the philosophy of Lord Krishna and Gita.
A nice story I came across which I would like to mention below which is in Context with Complete Surrender ,being a vessel  of God..

Krishna always holds a flute in his hand, but there is a great story behind it. Everyday Krishna would go in the garden and say to all the plants, “I love you”. The plants were very happy and responded back and said “Krishna, we love You, too”. One day Krishna rushed quickly into the garden very alarmed. He went to the bamboo plant and the bamboo plant asked, “Krishna, what´s wrong with you?” Krishna said “I have something to ask you, but it is very difficult”. The bamboo said “Tell me: if I can, I will give it to you”. So Krishna said “I need your life. I need to cut you”. The bamboo thought for a while and then said “You don´t have any other choice. You don’t have any other way?” Krishna said, “No, no other way”. And it said “OK, I surrender to you”. So Krishna cut the bamboo, made holes in it, and each time, while he was doing that, the bamboo was crying with pain, because he was paining the bamboo so much. Krishna made a beautiful flute out of it. And this flute was with Krishna all the time. 24 hours a day, it was with Krishna. Even the Gopis were jealous of the flute. They said, “Look, Krishna is our Lord, but yet we get to spend only some time with him. He wakes up with you, He sleeps with you, all the time you are with him”. So one day they asked the bamboo, “Tell us the secret of it. What secret do you have, that the Lord treasures you so much?” And the bamboo said “The secret is that I´m empty inside. And the Lord does whatever he wants with me, whenever he wants with me and however he wants with me”. So this is complete surrender: where God can do whatever He wants with you, whenever He wants, as He wants. And for that you don’t need to be scared, you know, you have just to give yourself. And who is yourself in reality? It’s just Him!

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Better Late than Never

Best things in Life are free!
I realised it late or deep down somewhere I always knew.I used to console myself that when I would be able to afford  A Prada or A Channel or even  perhaps a Gucci or The Armani ,that day would be the happiest day of my life.Then I convinced myself if only I had a small car to travel hassle free,that day would be the happiest day.Then the list never ended and as the result I never had the Happiest day.
Now there did come a point when I questioned myself,I had to ..given my list was exhausted ..."that why the hell am I not getting even closer to having one day as the happiest day of my Life".
Then  I just stumbled upon old albums containing really vintage pictures..some a little ruined because they were twenty years old.It was a sign.A Sign sent by my guardian angel .
I began browsing those photographs.Oh I looked so different.Way too lean as if malnourished but way too happy.The smile on my face and the twinkle in my eyes.
Childhood to the Golden days,High School days.....!
Certainly everybody agrees to the fact that School days are the best days but nobody told me that life gets complicated after that.You get a degree,have a job,plan to get settled as in settle type of settle,your own house,a husband,a dog,2-3 kids and happy Facebook profile .Well these days each time I log into FB I see lots of happy couple and I do like it.I donot want to appear as this old hag who resents Romance.
I would never let my social reputation be tarnished like that.
But dont I just feel sick.There all the population is either getting married,having babies and travelling to Venice for their honeymoon and Well I am doing what? ! Yes Precisely ! I am still figuring out a way to be happy.Still waiting for one chance that one chance to be happy?!!!!!!!! "Weirdo" I say this to myself and I repeat
All those years wasted in trying to find happiness.I searched it everywhere,amidst the dresses,the stilettos,the handbags,the sunglasses,cosmetics,airports,multi cuisine restaurants,resorts,exotic locations,Yatch and Diamonds and sex and Men too!
Did I get it? The Answer is astonishingly  "No"
I am still not happy baring the few moments when I speak to my younger sister and  when I am with my family.
My mother,father and my sibling.The presence of these people in my life can be counted as the only good thing in my otherwise not so happy Life.
But eventually  I did realise something..That Eureka moment ! Yes I too had recently
 Being loved and loving somebody unconditionally that is certainly the most important aspect of getting closer to your happiness.
Yes Love and only love can give me the Happiest day in my Life.
I also understood happiness does not lies in perfection.Its just the flaws,the imperfection that contributes in creating the Magic .
I too want a chance at happiness.I too want to be happy .I too want to find myself by loosing myself .
I know now what makes me happy.The answer is Love.To be loved that s what I want and thats what I have been denying myself all along.
Better Late than Never......
I need My First chance at Love <3
Love all along the way one thing I denied.Well Charity begins at home.So guess I should start by loving myself first and foremost and Let the Universe bring me my first chance at Love.
So on this positive note I pray that may  we all have a loving presence in our life and that We all get to meet our lobsters...# I hope phoebe(FRIENDS) version of the lobster getting together in life time is true :P

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Aww Moments

 # 1 )
“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

This is one such dialogue  where I would want to be in the receiving ends.Yes I too need to meet Harry,well if my Mr.Imperfect reads this and gets inspired to probably tell me these mushy mushy stuffs,I donot mind the duplicacy!

“I love you. You’re my only reason to stay alive… if that’s what I am.”

Killer lines indeed.....How I would die on hearing this ,this particular confession of love.
I have watched Twilight atleast 25 times!
Crazy,but at times Fantasy is way better than reality.
Edward's declaration of love is indeed classic.
Call me old fashioned but I am a firm believer in formal proposal,wherein the guy bends on his knees and takes out the ring and violins are playing in the background,there is full moon light and list goes on and on.
Out of sheer desperation perhaps I donot even think of these fancy romantic proposals,I guess I am trying hard to grow up :(

“But soft; what light through yonder window breaks? It is my lady! O, it is my love. O 
Well this is what Romeo tells Juliet
I am speechless here...Every girl deserves her Romeo

# 4)
It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together … and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home. .. only to no home I’d ever known … I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like … magic.”
Sam has been my favorite ever since I watched Sleepless in Seattle.
Now not that I would say this but after falling in love I truly could relate to this.
Its Magic indeed
Love is Magical.It is that feeling of coming home......

If however your feelings have changed,I would have to tell you.you have bewitched me,body and soul and I love,I love.............I love you.I love you.I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.......

And Mr.Darcy I love you too.Man of my dreams ,My Mr.Darcy.
Elizabeth mirrored my ideas,infact we all have Elizabeth in ourself,its just that we wait for our Mr.Darcy and till the time we are still waiting,prejudices form a better part of our thinking..

And the Last my ultimate Aww moment would be ...( He would need to replace Isabella Swan to my  name,probably he would do that Some day ........Someday perhaps)
Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of forever.” — Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson))

Tuesday, June 17, 2014


Was it his debonair charm or his lethal smile, making my hormones react like that or its just as simple as it sounds , Opposites attract.
Why do I feel  I have heart of iron and he is a magnet,so very naturally the Pull exists.
Logic could not be substituted in cases of Love at First Sight.
First and foremost Love is never logical.
Love is never reasonable.
Love demands
Love commands....
The Happily ever afters are usually a Universal set of all the adjustments.
Love is not always the perfection.
It is sharing awkward moments,being able to be the real person in front of that one person and however infuriating he seems at times,you still want to wake up each morning in his arms.

Friday, June 13, 2014

I too have a Checklist till I meet you!#Checklist

Its every girls dream to meet the man ,her ideal ,perfect man.
I too like every other girl out there grew up with that idea.I too believed in Cindrella's fairytale and how her prince charming rescues her and searches for  her,just on the basis of One DANCE! Ultimate and so inspiring.
Cindrella's fairtytale always motivated me so did the Snow white and Seven dwarfs.
Slowly and gradually I too pictured about my Prince,but how to segregrate.Hence I put a filter and then the whole idea of checklist originated.
Inspirations : All the Nicholas sparks novel,Not to Forget Mills and Boons.( I still read them)

Btw I didnot have a  long checklist , just basics that ought to be present in my Man..Infact any Man for a girl to devote  her entire life loving him and caring for him,raising his children and cooking for his family.Its a two way street after all
We girls are indeed the princesses,we have to kiss so many frogs to find a prince.Oops I am not here mentioning the exact count of how many checklist frogs I kissed but lets do a quick recap of my CHECK List!

# 0 Engineers please excuse.No to Geeks and Nerds! :)
#1 Fashion Sense-He should have a tuxedo and a distinct wardrobe,keen interest in fashion and loves wearing  cuff links.
#2 Spontaneous - Anything and everything random.Lives Life as it comes.Showers me with affection( importantly flowers) and surprises me .
Long drives without any plan or perhaps a weekend trip just after Friday dinner.
#3 Same taste in food- Yes that is a must,in fact same choice ! prevents from ordering too much if out on a date .I am economical that way
#4 Avid Book reader - Again same taste,we should have same favorite author...Big turn on
#5 Plays a sexy musical instrument - Guitar player,sexy voice would be a plus.Keen interest in Music.
Prefers live concerts and who will make sure to take me out each time.Keep my weekends engaged
# 6 Sports /Outdoor Person - At least have been a state level player in his high school days or even school level.multiple hobbies
#7 Writer - He should be able to write,preferably love letters to me
#8 Good Looking - Perfect Partners do not over shadow each other..average height ,charming looks ,pleasing personality would be just perfect..5"11" above please excuse.
#9 Traveller - Takes me on exotic vacations on whim...Do not thinks twice
# 10 PDA and Great Makeup Sex - Yes,a public fight and later a great make up sex..Public display of affection is the best part and holding my hand everywhere just perfect!
# 11 Social worker - Must have been involved with an NGO over some period of time
# 12 Extrovert - All in all a people's Person.A good conversation Starter
# 13 Foodie - Knows the best places to take me out for dinner and suggests me what to eat and also loves experimenting
# 14 Sense of humour -  Witty and good with one liners.Must know how to use a  great pickup line..
# 15 Popular - After all these great qualities he is sure to be popular with opposite sex and same sex indeed :) # Caring,Sweet,A Great Dancer

This list is edited,I cannot shorten it any more.I tried but then 27 years of compilation of the Must have's Criteria in the Man,My kind of Man cannot be just reduced :(

So ever since the search for even a perfect 10 out of 15 continued..
Fact remains I somehow found guys that had 3 out of 15,perhaps even 8 out of 15.

A sincere apology to all those people whom I have hurt in my search for perfection.I was a headless chicken trying to fit in the idea of perfection with the idea of love
But the truth is Love when it happens does not gives you a chance to check your checklist
Also when it happens ,it happens and there is no reason.
It happened to me out of the blue.
When you expect the least you get it,unusual circumstances,inappropriate timing but the truth is the feeling is exhilarating,liberating and your heart indeed sings a song 
Love is a miracle,a powerful ,sensational ,emotional drug.It does not comes easily to girls like us.We are too biased.I was too closed and too pig headed to have actually been able to appreciate affection and admiration from people around me.Its a process called Life where Learning comes.It came to me.Few months have been a eye opener.
All I can say "Happy Realisation"!
I hope I am not that late...Love is Toxic.
I sincerely hope the only one person I love,truly,deeply,madly,unconditionally loves me back........
Part of My checklist ...

Thursday, June 12, 2014

More to come!

To each his own.. I always believed in this,no interference but zero tolerance.......Live life each day as it comes but also give 100% to whatever one does!

At one of those junctures of Life where decisions would be important..
Where choice has to be mine ,only mine.
There are several other pending to do list......Miles to go before I halt.....I relocated to a new city.
I do not have a definite reason for walking out on my last job,but gradually and slowly deep in my heart I knew I would not last there for long..Zero tolerance even towards mediocrity.
Mumbai,a city of dreams,leaving it was difficult,Bangalore an unfamiliar territory,finding own ground too is a little tough.Living off on my fathers money,I am doing nothing..Vaguely I am searching for a job but then the crux is I have to find a right fit this time unlike four years which indeed have been great years after engineering college but always the misfit!
I am not disappointed neither demotivated but have perhaps kind of slowed down..Am I anticipating sudden miracle..Well Miracles do happen,I am a Miracle :)
I am still trying to connect to the Soul of Bengaluru...I am still trying to figure out what next..
But till then I rest......I rest in peace...
Travel to places unseen and loose myself...for Life is not a station its a journey..
For I am not so simple to understand....there is more to me :)

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

After Math : Sonal and Rahul:Figments of imagination-Part 2

“I am sorry ,I don’t Love you,I never did.Even if I will love someone then that someone would never be you .”
A crippling pain made it impossible for her to move.
She had planned to gamble everything on one bold throw.To tell the truth and shame the devil.If that did not work,the future didn’t bear contemplating.
She stared at her surrounding through a haze of tears,seeing the beauty of the dark night,silence all around her!
Drawing in a pained breath,She turned away.”Except that  he never loved me,”she said coldly..There was nobody to listen to her though. Atleast acquit him of dishonesty,!Caveat emptor,she thought  .Let the buyer beware .That was exactly the case when she had gone into an affair with him.He had been honest ,everything else was done at h er own risk.She wasn’t a natural gambler.For that you had to be prepared to lose.But weren’t somethings worth the risk?She just didn’t know
For her their relationship had been a commitment,but for him not even a relationship .
She quivered thinking of the intensity of desire they had shared and wondered whether he also misses her or not? But then if he had he would have atleast  received her phone but like always he had just ignored Least bothered to acknowledge ,She had tried calling him “n” no. of times but he had been persistently avoiding her .Letting her feel insulted and low,not that she suffered from low self esteem,She was least dependent on anybody to make her feel inferior but God knows how his apathy hurt her …She had felt something that went beyond the normal carnal lust.She had felt a bonding ,a kind of connection with this particular man.An overwhelming need to know everything about and experience everything with this-this particular man.Somehow she she had always known that he could be vitally important to her .It was scray and exciting and had drawn her towards realms she would otherwise would have never dreamed of exploring.Her blood used to sing siren song caught up in an exciting new world when she used to lie without clothes on in his arms…
Yet while he wanted her with all passions he displayed,he didn’t want her love.Despair engulfed her.what on earth was she to do ?
In his arms she had been her true self and had known instinctively she could only ever be so with him.It had to be the cruelest of jokes,She hadn’t asked to feel this way,hadn’t known she was capable of this depth of emotion .Then to discover that how he abhorred her was bitter indeed
She had found herself with the choice she had never thought she would have to make.His terms left no rooms for bargaining and She had accepted that ..On offer she had an affair of passion but not of love and she loved him.To keep him,She had to deny it which she eventually ended up doing.But then how long could she have hidden the only true gift she had-Love.
Love to her had always meant marriage,family the whole thing yet she had locked that away in her heart and accepted only the affair!
An affair that lasted as long as he wanted her in his bed.Like the month of December when he throwed her out from his life and yes form his car ,She still remembered how vulnerable she had felt,how she had beseeched him,Still trying her best to get things back to the track despite of facing the physical violence again-not for the first time had he hit her but then Still she had tried..Hadn’t she ?
This time she had been honest,had been true but then it turned out fake.He failed to see her ,least respect her..She had tried calling him an hour ago but then when did he  pick her calls,he not only refused to meet her but accused her this time too,the only difference was it she knew that even deep down in his heart he also knew that She was not guilty not this time…….
The eerie silence of the night reminded her of the eternity of emtiness that she now had to face Well decided to face,She had come out bare foot while the whole houisehold slept.It was around two in the night,even the moon was sleepy she looked above in the sky..One tear slid slowly down her cheek.It was so much cold,February nights are so cold especially when you have been wounded and rejected.The only person you would want to speak to is ignoring your phone call..Her toes curled from the cold but then her pain had made the cold bearable,he was not here to warm her but how she longed for his wet kissed-for his hugs -for his probing tongue that evaded her mouth with searing sensuality,imitating the longing that started up an ache deep down inside her.Her sensitized breasts dying to come in  intimate contact of her hair roughened skin of his chest.She longed-She wished to arch into the delicious sensation,becoming wild creature in his arms shuddering at each new caress of his hands and lips on her body exulting as she would have felt him respod to her increasingly bold caress of his silken torso..
She glanced  at the phone in her hand,he wont even call back..Aah he never even bothered to hear her out –forget the call back..Wild awake in this hour she felt the chilling reality –faced the cold wind and wondered is that where they were destined to come to-to nowhere..He no longer ….she simply couldn’t believe.She had believed in him-believed in the love and trail of love that was a merging  of passion to reason..

It was turning to be a restless night again..While everyone slept including him or may be he would be busy somewhere else-who knows she thought venomously but for one thing which her heart constantly tugged her despite of everything it was faith..Have faith in Love-your Love ,yes he might or might not be busy –he might –might not be sleeping but nothing is permanent ,theres this tempoaral nature –attached to everything be it feeling ,be it feeling,she couldn’t prove anything She neednot but yes She had  faith..She had believed thought it was almost shattered but Still she had manged to held her head high and smile and listen to her heart and……guess its not a good idea to type when you are wearing just a night gown ,barefoot and all by yourself out in the night sitting in the garden even the plants sleep,watery moonlight is of no good and stars are next to invisible at this wee hour..Feets are turning blue due to cold and humming of mosquitoes is now only the audible sound..

Howard Roark's Courtroom Speech

Howard Roark's
Courtroom Speech
From The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand

     “Thousands of years ago, the first man discovered how to make fire. He was probably burned at the stake he had taught his brothers to light. He was considered an evildoer who had dealt with a demon mankind dreaded. But thereafter men had fire to keep them warm, to cook their food, to light their caves. He had left them a gift they had not conceived and he had lifted dardness off the earth. Centuries later, the first man invented the wheel. He was probably torn on the rack he had taught his brothers to build. He was considered a transgressor who ventured into forbidden terrritory. But thereafter, men could travel past any horizon. He had left them a gift they had not conceived and he had opened the roads of the world.
     “That man, the unsubmissive and first, stands in the opening chapter of every legend mankind has recorded about its beginning. Prometheus was chained to a rock and torn by vultures—because he had stolen the fire of the gods. Adam was condemned to suffer—because he had eaten the fruit of the tree of knowledge. Whatever the legend, somewhere in the shadows of its memory mankind knew that its glory began with one and that that one paid for his courage.
     “Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had this in common: that the step was first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received—hatred. The great creators—the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors—stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced. The first motor was considered foolish. The airplane was considered impossible. The power loom was considered vicious. Anesthesia was considered sinful. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won.
     “No creator was prompted by a desire to serve his brothers, for his brothers rejected the gift he offered and that gift destroyed the slothful routine of their lives. His truth was his only motive. His own truth, and his own work to achieve it in his own way. A symphony, a book, an engine, a philosophy, an airplane or a building—that was his goal and his life. Not those who heard, read, operated, believed, flew or inhabited the thing he had created. The creation, not its users. The creation, not the benefits others derived from it. The creation which gave form to his truth. He held his truth above all things and against all men.
     “His vision, his strength, his courage came from his own spirit. A man's spirit, however, is his self. That entity which is his consciousness. To think, to feel, to judge, to act are functions of the ego.
     “The creators were not selfless. It is the whole secret of their power—that it was self-sufficient, self-motivated, self-generated. A first cause, a fount of energy, a life force, a Prime Mover. The creator served nothing and no one. He lived for himself.
     “And only by living for himself was he able to achieve the things which are the glory of mankind. Such is the nature of achievement.
     “Man cannot survive except through his mind. He comes on earth unarmed. His brain is his only weapon. Animals obtain food by force. Man has no claws, no fangs, no horns, no great strength of muscle. He must plant his food or hunt it. To plant, he needs a process of thought. To hunt, he needs weapons, and to make weapons—a process of thought. From this simplest necessity to the highest religious abstraction, from the wheel to the skyscraper, everything we are and everything we have comes from a single attribute of man—the function of his reasoning mind.
     “But the mind is an attribute of the individual. There is no such thing as a collective brain. There is no such thing as a collective thought. An agreement reached by a group of men is only a compromise or an average drawn upon many individual thoughts. It is a secondary consequence. The primary act—the process of reason—must be performed by each man alone. We can divide a meal among many men. We cannot digest it in a collective stomach. No man can use his lungs to breathe for another man. No man can use his brain to think for another. All the functions of body and spirit are private. They cannot be shared or transferred.
     “We inherit the products of the thought of other men. We inherit the wheel. We make a cart. The cart becomes an automobile. The automobile becomes an airplane. But all through the process what we receive from others is only the end product of their thinking. The moving force is the creative faculty which takes this product as material, uses it and originates the next step. This creative faculty cannot be given or received, shared or borrowed. It belongs to single, individual men. That which it creates is the property of the creator. Men learn from one another. But all learning is only the exchange of material. No man can give another the capacity to think. Yet that capacity is our only means of survival.
     “Nothing is given to man on earth. Everything he needs has to be produced. And here man faces his basic alternative: he can survive in only one of two ways—by the independent work of his own mind or as a parasite fed by the minds of others. The creator originates. The parasite borrows. The creator faces nature alone. The parasite faces nature through an intermediary.
     “The creator’s concern is the conquest of nature. The parasite’s concern is the conquest of men.
     “The creator lives for his work. He needs no other men. His primary goal is within himself. The parasite lives second-hand. He needs others. Others become his prime motive.
     “The basic need of the creator is independence. The reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be curbed, sacrificed or subordinated to any consideration whatsoever. It demands total independence in function and in motive. To a creator, all relations with men are secondary.
     “The basic need of the second-hander is to secure his ties with men in order to be fed. He places relations first. He declares that man exists in order to serve others. He preaches altruism.
     “Altruism is the doctrine which demands that man live for others and place others above self.
     “No man can live for another. He cannot share his spirit just as he cannot share his body. But the second-hander has used altruism as a weapon of expoloitation and reversed the base of mankind’s moral principles. Men have been taught every precept that destroys the creator. Men have been taught dependence as a virtue.
     “The man who attemps to live for others is a dependent. He is a parasite in motive and makes parasites of those he serves. The relationship produces nothing but mutual corruption. It is impossible in concept. The nearest approach to it in reality—the man who lives to serve others—is the slave. If physical slavery is repulsive, how much more repulsive is the concept of servility of the spirit? The conquered slave has a vestige of honor. He has the merit of having resisted and of considering his condition evil. But the man who enslaves himself voluntarily in the name of love is the basest of creatures. He degrades the dignity of man and he degrades the conception of love. But this is the essence of altruism.
     “Men have been taught that the highest virtue is not to achieve, but to give. Yet one cannot give that which has not been created. Creation comes before distribution—or there will be nothing to distribute. The need of the creator comes before the need of any possible beneficiary. Yet we are taught to admire the second-hander who dispenses gifts he has not produced above the man who made the gifts possible. We praise an act of charity. We shrug at an act of achievement.
     “Men have been taught that their first concern is to relieve the sufferings of others. But suffering is a disease. Should one come upon it, one tries to give relief and assistance. To make that the highest test of virtue is to make suffering the most important part of life. Then man must wish to see others suffer—in order that he may be virtuous. Such is the nature of altruism. The creator is not concerned with disease, but with life. Yet the work of the creators has eliminated one form of disease after another, in man’s body and spirit, and brought more relief from suffering than any altruist could ever conceive.
     “Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone.
     “Men have been taught that the ego is the synonym of evil, and selflessness the ideal of virtue. But the creator is the egotist in the absolute sense, and the selfless man is the one who does not think, feel, judge or act. These are functions of the self.
     “Here the basic reversal is most deadly. The issue has been perverted and man has been left no alternative—and no freedom. As poles of good and evil, he was offered two conceptions: egotism and altruism. Egotism was held to mean the sacrifice of others to self. Altruism—the sacrifice of self to others. This tied man irrevocably to other men and left him nothing but a choice of pain: his own pain borne for the sake of others or pain inflicted upon others for the sake of self. When it was added that man must find joy in self-immolation, the trap was closed. Man was forced to accept masochism as his ideal—under the threat that sadism was his only alternative. This was the greatest fraud ever perpetrated on mankind.
     “This was the device by which dependence and suffering were perpetuated as fundamentals of life.
     “The choice is not self-sacrifice or domination. The choice is independence or dependence. The code of the creator or the code of the second-hander. This is the basic issue. It rests upon the alternative of life or death. The code of the creator is built on the needs of the reasoning mind which allows man to survive. The code of the second-hander is built on the needs of a mind incapable of survival. All that which proceeds from man’s independent ego is good. All that which proceeds from man’s dependence upon men is evil.
     “The egotist is the absolute sense is not the man who sacrifices others. He is the man who stands above the need of using others in any manner. He does not function through them. He is not concerned with them in any primary matter. Not in his aim, not in his motive, not in his thinking, not in his desires, not in the source of his energy. He does not exist for any other man—and he asks no other man to exist for him. This is the only form of brotherhood and mutual respect possible between men.
     “Degrees of ability vary, but the basic principle remains the same: the degree of a man’s independence, initiative and personal love for his work determines his talent as a worker and his worth as a man. Independence is the only gauge of human virtue and value. What a man is and makes of himself; not what he has or hasn’t done for others. There is no substitute for personal dignity. There is no standard of personal dignity except independence.
     “In all proper relationships there is no sacrifice of anyone to anyone. An architect needs clients, but he does not subordinate his work to their wishes. They need him, but they do not order a house just to give him a commission. Men exchange their work by free, mutual consent to mutual advantage when their personal interests agree and they both desire the exchange. If they do not desire it, they are not forced to deal with each other. They seek further. This is the only possible form of relationship between equals. Anything else is a relation of slave to master, or victim to executioner.
     “No work is ever done collectively, by a majority decision. Every creative job is achieved under the guidance of a single individual thought. An architect requires a great many men to erect his building. But he does not ask them to vote on his design. They work together by free agreement and each is free in his proper function. An architect uses steel, glass, concrete, produced by others. But the materials remain just so much steel, glass and concrete until he touches them. What he does with them is his individual product and his individual property. This is the only pattern for proper co-operation among men.
     “The first right on earth is the right of the ego. Man’s first duty is to himself. His moral law is never to place his prime goal within the persons of others. His moral obligation is to do what he wishes, provided his wish does not depend primarily upon other men. This includes the whole sphere of his creative faculty, his thinking, his work. But it does not include the sphere of the gangster, the altruist and the dictator.
     “A man thinks and works alone. A man cannot rob, exploit or rule—alone. Robbery, exploitation and ruling presuppose victims. They imply dependence. They are the province of the second-hander.
     “Rulers of men are not egotists. They create nothing. They exist entirely through the persons of others. Their goal is in their subjects, in the activity of enslaving. They are as dependent as the beggar, the social worker and the bandit. The form of dependence does not matter.
     “But men were taught to regard second-handers—tyrants, emperors, dictators—as exponents of egotism. By this fraud they were made to destroy the ego, themselves and others. The purpose of the fraud was to destroy the creators. Or to harness them. Which is a synonym.
     “From the beginning of history, the two antagonists have stood face to face: the creator and the second-hander. When the first creator invented the wheel, the first second-hander responded. He invented altruism.
     “The creator—denied, opposed, persecuted, exploited—went on, moved forward and carried all humanity along on his energy. The second-hander contributed nothing to the process except the impediments. The contest has another name: the individual against the collective.
     “The ‘common good’ of a collective—a race, a class, a state—was the claim and justification of every tyranny ever established over men. Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive. Has any act of selfishness ever equaled the carnage perpetrated by disciples of altruism? Does the fault lie in men’s hypocrisy or in the nature of the principle? The most dreadful butchers were the most sincere. They believed in the perfect society reached through the guillotine and the firing squad. Nobody questioned their right to murder since they were murdering for an altruistic purpose. It was accepted that man must be sacrificed for other men. Actors change, but the course of the tragedy remains the same. A humanitarian who starts with declarations of love for mankind and ends with a sea of blood. It goes on and will go on so long as men believe that an action is good if it is unselfish. That permits the altruist to act and forces his victims to bear it. The leaders of collectivist movements ask nothing for themselves. But observe the results.
     “The only good which men can do to one another and the only statement of their proper relationship is—Hands off!
     “Now observe the results of a society built on the principle of individualism. This, our country. The noblest country in the history of men. The country of greatest achievement, greatest prosperity, greatest freedom. This country was not based on selfless service, sacrifice, renunciation or any precept of altruism. It was based on a man’s right to the pursuit of happiness. His own happiness. Not anyone else’s. A private, personal, selfish motive. Look at the results. Look into your own conscience.
     “It is an ancient conflict. Men have come close to the truth, but it was destroyed each time and one civilization fell after another. Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage’s whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.
     “Now, in our age, collectivism, the rule of the second-hander and second-rater, the ancient monster, has broken loose and is running amuck. It has brought men to a level of intellectual indecency never equaled on earth. It has reached a scale of horror without precedent. It has poisoned every mind. It has swallowed most of Europe. It is engulfing our country.
     “I am an architect. I know what is to come by the principle on which it is built. We are approaching a world in which I cannot permit myself to live.
     “Now you know why I dynamited Cortlandt.
     “I designed Cortlandt. I gave it to you. I destroyed it.
     “I destroyed it because I did not choose to let it exist. It was a double monster. In form and in implication. I had to blast both. The form was mutilated by two second-handers who assumed the right to improve upon that which they had not made and could not equal. They were permitted to do it by the general implication that the altruistic purpose of the building superseded all rights and that I had no claim to stand against it.
     “I agreed to design Cortlandt for the purpose of seeing it erected as I dedigned it and for no other reason. That was the price I set for my work. I was not paid.
     “I do not blame Peter Keating. He was helpless. He had a contract with his employers. It was ignored. He had a promise that the structure he offered would be built as designed. The promise was broken. The love of a man for the integrity of his work and his right to preserve it are now considered a vague intangible and an inessential. You have heard the prosecutor say that. Why was the building disfigured? For no reason. Such acts never have any reason, unless it’s the vanity of some second-handers who feel they have a right to anyone’s property, spiritual or material. Who permitted them to do it? No particular man among the dozens in authority. No one cared to permit it or to stop it. No one was responsible. No one can be held to account. Such is the nature of all collective action.
     “I did not receive the payment I asked. But the owners of Cortlandt got what they needed from me. They wanted a scheme devised to build a structure as cheaply as possible. They found no one else who could do it to their satisfaction. I could and did. They took the benefit of my work and made me contribute it as a gift. But I am not an altruist. I do not contribute gifts of this nature.
     “It is said that I have destroyed the home of the destitute. It is forgotten that but for me the destitute could not have had this particular home. Those who were concerned with the poor had to come to me, who have never been concerned, in order to help the poor. It is believed that the poverty of the future tenants gave them the right to my work. That their need constituted a claim on my life. That it was my duty to contribute anything demanded of me. This is the second-hander’s credo now swallowing the world.
     “I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone’s right to one minute of my life. Nor to any part of my energy. Nor to any achievement of mine. No matter who makes the claim, how large their number or how great their need.
     “I wished to come here and say that I am a man who does not exist for others.
     “It had to be said. The world is perishing from an orgy of self-sacrificing.
     “I wished to come here and say that the integrity of a man’s creative work is of greater importance than any charitable endeavor. Those of you who do not understand this are the men who’re destroying the world.
     “I wished to come here and state my terms. I do not care to exist on any others.
     “I recognize no obligations toward men except one: to respect their freedom and to take no part in a slave society. To my country, I wish to give the ten years which I will spend in jail if my country exists no longer. I will spend them in memory and in gratitude for what my country has been. It will be my act of loyalty, my refusal to live or work in what has taken its place.
     “My act of loyalty to every creator who ever lived and was made to suffer by the force responsible for the Cortlandt I dynamited. To every tortured hour of loneliness, denial, frustration, abuse he was made to spend—and to the battles he won. To every creator whose name is known—and to every creator who lived, struggled and perished unrecognized before he could achieve. To every creator who was destroyed in body or in spirit. To Henry Cameron. To Steven Mallory. To a man who doesn’t want to be named, but who is sitting in this courtroom and knows that I am speaking of him.”

Sonal and Rahul:Figment of imaginations-Part 1

He left no footprints  In sand… no ripples in water …no image in mirrors……no foot prints on the shore..
Just SHIFT DELETED her from his life
 A weak watery moon filtered through the clouds and revealed a young girl sitting on the topmost of
Thirteen stone steps that led into the water..she was very still very wet..in a while rain slowed to a drizzle and then stopped the breeze shook water from the trees and for a while it rained only under trees Where shelter had once been….
It was past  midnight…the river had risen
Wet leaves in the trees shimmered..with moon’s light…
A liitle frightened of  what lurked in the shadows around her..As she lurched into the deep water..
A brief sunbeam ..
A small life ..
Quietness and emptiness…
He had held her against him…she had woken to the beats of his heart knocking against his chest
His arms around her she had felt protected..loved and secured..he successfully folded her fears into rose
He had gathered her into the cave of his body
He had been careful not to hurt her
She could feel how soft she felt to him……..
Even now…when she was about to end her existence…
Even now when any moment she could be swept inside where she would loose her living self…
She offered herself to the river…to be eaten by large fishes…to be drowned…

To be no more alive!!

P.S-This is part of a series which I am working on..story of breaking of a heart..shattering of dreams...

When I dance..

Dance when in distress,dance when in grief,dance when hurt and  dance when in love!to me dance is the divine form of worship.dancing not only is an extension of the soul within wherein it is also a means to achieve that inner peace..life is full of challenges these days,its not easy..ups and downs are part of our daily routine hence few hours dedicated to accumulating energy especially joining the forces of the universe to attain bliss through dance for me is my way of coping with stress..

Indeed dance is a stress buster..it is food for the soul and fuel for the body..dance to me is my first love..it is that feeling of surrendering to the universe so as to manifest all my desires ..
Dance not only enriches the life but it is responsible for bringing radical changes in my life..Who am I ? when I look at myself in the mirror I say it aloud I am a dancer..i am myself..those few hours daily is my escape to the world where I am me…its my individuality that speaks in the language of dance..its the creativity inside me that makes me follow the rhythm  ..there is music in the air..Universe speaks to us in the various forms be it sign or be it clear and aloud..
Everything we ever desire is already there present within reach for us..dance is one such medium to the ultimate realization of the law of abundance around us..there is plenty for all of us..whatever we attract comes to us and hence dance not only helps me to be positive but also exposes to me this strength..dance  is that recreation which not only opens up the mind to all the possibilities but helps out in touching the inner most chord of our being thus making us aware of our own power..

Dancing has empowered me in lot many ways..making me aware of my own weaknesses and strength..acknowledging the sensuality,getting in touch with the female energy …

The best moments in my life has been those hours when I was on stage…dancing is a passion and my first love..i become alive when I dance..the hip swaying the feet moving all in all creating the t angible aura around..its a second haven for me..i find solace when I dance..i find answers when I dance..its a magic when I dance..its feeling complete when I dance!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Being born a girl in an Indian middles class household!

I write this in anger,
I write this in grief,
I write  this in frustration...
and I write this in disappointment!
I write this to tell you boys that how lucky you are that you are born a boy not a girl.
A middle class Indian family ,an educated ,cultured family leaves no stone unturned when it comes to educating their children be it a girl or a boy but the difference begins when you are educated,able to make choice but then that ability is doubted over simply because of a gender bias.
Being a girl you are supposed to get married ,have children ,not to forget that you are constantly reminded of the amount cash to be spent on your impending wedding,dowry to the prospective groom's family and other expenses of the Indian lavish Wedding..
I write this to you young girls who dream,Donot dream ,because if you are to only pieces of the shattered dream would prick your eyes and the result would be tears.Better avoid sheding tears for the dreams woven,dreams where education plays an important role and why not,We become qualified engineers,doctors,successful enterpreneurs but Alas where does it all end..
I write this to express my helplessness,I am not in love with my future husband,I hate that constant chattering of aunts and relatives ,I hate the shopping trips to spend money on useless jewellery which I am never going to wear,if given a choice..
That sinking feeling in the pitt of stomach as the D day comes near..
I am numb with fear,yes I am afraid...
True I am a girl and moreover an Indian Girl..Duty calls but heart bleeds...
Life is teaching me a great lesson indeed..
Hope ! Do I hope that may be I would be rescued ,I would be saved,that I too would  be given a choice..So what that I am a girl,I also am human,I too have a heart,I too have feelings..
Would somebody remind them that what good will it be...!
Sigh...I write this in surrender......

I write this to let the world know that Life is not always a fair ..

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Music Albums-Missing those days

Its been a decade !
I am not studying in high school anymore and I donot have any impending examinations to appear.
Nor do I have to sneek to the room where television is kept to switch on Chitrahar or any other program where songs from music albums would be playing.

Year Y2K or 2000 was the era of Music Album.
Beautiful,mesmerizing young people in love and melodious songs in the background.
Those 5 minute video contained a story and not to forget awesome songs.

My favorite still remains the Rajshri Album and that lead pair priya jhangiyani and Abbas..Chhui mui si tum...Nostalgic thats how I feel when I listen to that song..
First crush,school corridor and sleepless nights..

Indeed a beautiful album it was,wherein the boy meets a girl and later happy ending is shown.Typical of Rajshri Productions.For those who are not familiar with Rajshri productions they are pioneer in creating larger than real movies,family sagas like Hum Apke Hain Kaun and others!

There were so many other singers like Sonu Nigam,Alish Chenoy,Falguni Pathak,Bally Sagoo and how can I forget Remo..also the likes of Colonial Cousins

O meri Munni...splendid isnt it!

I am a dancer and I could never resisit a good folk piece..I fondly remember dancing to the folk songs as in music albums of the legendary Subha Mudgal and Sunita Rao,Usha uthup...

India is rich when it comes to its culture.So lots of singers encashed it and brought to us rich platter of music...

There is one important song which I am sure when or if at all I meet the man of my dream I would dedicate it for him ;) ( Mukhda Piya ka)

There are several memorable songs from that era..If I donot mention Adnan Sami and Lucky Ali then it would be grave injustice...

That was an ear of aspiring singers to showcase their talent and where like west even Indian market was accepting and we as an audience enjoyed...

And the last but not the least..I want to share link of my favorite song ( Krishna)

You are the only one!

Starry night,cool breeze and an old hindi song...Dreaming of you... :)


Tu tu hai Wahi :)

Tu Tu Hai Vohi Dil Ne Jisse Apna Kaha
Tu Hai Jahan Main Hoon Vahan
Ab To Yeh Jeena Tere Bin Hai Saza
O Mil Jaaye Is Tarah, Do Lehre Jis Tarah - 
Phir Ho Na Judaa, Haan Yeh Vaada Raha

Main Aawaaz Hoon To Tu Hai Geet Mera - 
Jahan Se Niraala Manmeet Mera
Mil Jaaye Is Tarah, Do Lehre Jis Tarah
O Mil Jaaye Is Tarah, Do Lehre Jis Tarah
Phir Ho Na Judaa, Haan Yeh Vaada Raha
Tu Tu Hai Vohi Dil Ne Jisse Apna Kaha
Tu Hai Jahan Main Hoon Vahan
Ab To Yeh Jeena Tere Bin Hai Saza

( Lyrics )
Movie : 

Yeh Vada Raha

 Music Director : 


 Music Company :
 Singer(s) :

Kishore Kumar,Asha Bhosle

 Lyricists :

Gulshan Bawra

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Letters to Juliet

I am no expert in love.Infact I kind of feel sad for myself.I have recently completed my twenty eight years and when I look back I donot even remotely remember falling in love ,I mean an eternal kind of love.The love which is potrayed in this movie Letters to Juliet,what a beautiful movie..
Claire and Lorenzo meeting each other after 50 years in a beautiful town of Siena..
The story is set in Verona,Northern Italy .Verona,wish I could visit this city on my honeymoon( if at all I ever get married )
Now what made this movie so special was its simplicity.
Love is pure,unconditional and true indeed.It doesnt matter whether we are too late,in love we are never late.Also what and if..."What if "!

I agree we should never have a life full of regrets,I mean what could be worse than thinking what if we had said this or done this...Naah...!

We are born once and each moment is the moment to live..I am a die
hard romantic and watching this movie I also realised that why I am single still,Its because I have not met my Romeo yet...

Now humble request to the man of my dreams if you are reading this and I donot know which corner of the world you are in.I am waiting for you.Please sweep me off my feet and take me to Verona and give me the worlds best Love story

Arrange Marriages-My Story

P.S- This post is not for people who see no fault in getting married to strangers chosen by their parents and spending lakhs and crores of Rupee just for the show off! Sorry ,No offence guys this post is a personal view

As I write,I have just decided to finally confront the truth.An ugly truth that however modern and educated families of north India have become,there have been no change in their orthodox tradition and culture.Some traditions amidst the hindu families when it comes to weddings are so much deep rooted that it more or less becomes impossible even to argue against it.

I wont delve into the details of dowry killing or victims of the so called arranged marriage or the poor weak sex as we are called,I am just writing my personal experience as in the Futile attempts of my parents finding a suitable groom for me.

It started in the summer of 2009,I was in the final year of my engineering..Clueless where lies the future ,I dreamt of a fairytale.

My very loving and protective parents expecially my mother started the search-Hunt for their Son -IN-Law...
Prospective groom's photographs and biodata were shared with me from time to time.
Though it took a year to materialise ,till then I remained safe,struggling in my career.
I am proud that I started my career with IBM Global Services and more proud that I only worked where I was respected and loved.

1 ) September 2012
My first boy meeting a girl happened in August 2012,the prospective groom was working in Nomura and well to my god fearing parents it was match made in heaven.

I have lived my  in Bandra eversince I relocated from Gurgaon to Mumbai, so It was difficult for me to relocate to Powai,and also to change my current lifestyle,Most important it was completely out of question to find a job where Saturday is not working..Oh Come on I felt like telling this to that guy and to his parents.
Though his mother seemed to be fascinated by me and appreciated that I wore a saree and apllied mehndi in my palms...I was terrified..Infact I had decided if at all the two families agreed,I am ready to run away ,whatever it takes I am just not succumbing to my parents this time..

Also I tried to give subtle hint to that guy that how imperfect I was and I would make sure that if he agrees to marry me I will make his life hell!

Luckily ,after the meeting I returned to mumbai and over a period of time explained to my parents that I am not yet ready,my career is my top priority and I would like to devote more time to it..

Needless to say they didnt take it in a good way...
So ............they didnt loose hope and kept on trying..this time a year later

2)  Dec 2013..
I was set up or convinced or emotionally blackmailed by my over emotional mother that how I have to meet this handsome Capgemini Consultant who is flying to London soon and ours would be a match made in heaven!

God Forbid!

So on a Sunday afternoon,when I had to attend Westin's Farmer Market ,I also had to meet this guy..

I already had met his mother along with my parents in my hometown,so I had prepared myself as to how to fend this off.I have become an expert in HOW TO MAKE A GUY SAY NO TO YOU!!
Thats true,I do think am an expert in fending off these Arranged marriage candidates..
Now as it happened on the fateful Sunday of December 2013,I wore the prettiest kneelength off soulder dress to Westin's Farmers Market and one piece of Salwar Suit in my bag for the after show..
This was going to be a great grand show of my life,As soon as I got the omnious phone call from my mother that they had reached Cafe Coffee Day at Oberoi Mall,
I took a run from Westin,went to the ladies room ,quickly changed and there I was..!

What took me as a surprise was that there were not only parents but the boys entire family...I was appalled,Nevertheless as in the ideal meeting,boy and girl are given a few minutes to get to know each other,I decided to use this opportunity and requested this guy that please say No to me and donot tell my parents that I have asked you to say so..
Opposite happened...My parents got to know what I had told that boy,yeah that consultant had to blurt it all to his parents,what a sadist! I mean A Gentleman would never do that but yeah what to expect from thm!

So Again...after my second stint I hoped that my parents have learnt something but Kudos...

3 ) February 2014

This time that guy is from London,IBM..Well as it turned out that I decided not to take a flight back,It had been some 5-6 years since I had traveled from Indian Railways so I opted  for 36 hours journey,though I had my reservation in AC-First class as it is said,Needless to say I kind of didnot find it peaceful.It was too noisy and everyone seemed to be talking,thanks to the wedding group in that compartment,So now JAB WE MET happened,yeah no Shahid Kapoor for me ! Alas...

But I was not expecting that I would meet the most good looking greek god the next morning.

Yes this time too I was prepared,"HOW TO MAKE THAT GUY SAY NO"
So we went ,this time my cousin sister in law too accompanies me to keep a tab on me,but I am also cunning.
So when the guy's mother asked me and her son to talk I took the opportunity and made that guy take a tour of some stupid park..so when the time comes I could tell him...But this time this guy was so genuine,needless to say wow I mean awesome ,I mean damn why is he that arranged marriage candidate.If I had met him somewhere else I sure would have fallen head over heels in love with him..
Beautiful person he was,I fondly remember that meeting,yeah only meeting we had.! Strange but this time I didnt get a chance to tell this guy that I donot want to get married but I hope that he would have understood my discomfort ,he really seemed a nice person..Fingers crossed

Nevertheless I am still Single and guess my parents are still searching desperately for a suitable groom for me and I have sworn that Come what may I am not letting my parents purchase a guy for me..

Yes thats how things really are especially here wherein the matrimonial advertisment reads :

Proffesionally qualified match for 6"1" boy working in MNC,package 15lpa,girl should be 5"4",slim,gori,working girl (only B.E/MBA) from a reputed family ,BHP to xyz@xyz.com

And after the initial screening a fixed amount of money is decided and the Brides family is expected to give that amount whatever it would be 10 lakhs to a crore before the wedding date is fixed..
So in my opinion which is nothing but pre purchasing of the Groom..!

I may sound offensive to some people but hello this is how arrange marriages in my side work..
The model of arrange marriage itself is rotten where Marriage is not on the basis of love,is not deemed as an union of Soul but is nothing but an auction of educated working boys...

My sympathies to those people and hope my parents too realise it..