Have I trespassed on forbidden ground…I am aware of the feeling of discomfort.I wondered perhaps it was the memory of the moments spent together in total recluse that is haunting me , perhaps the anticipation of many more wonderful coming hours well which will however not happen it was just my expectations and my anticipation.I have just visualized something beautiful , something more close to fantasy but yes expectations hurts and in this case too it hurt L
All I remember is the feel of the leather seats, the texture of my purse upon my knee,its frayed edges,its worn seams and how my mind was busy weaving the little this and little that….all the plans for long drive ,lovely dinner….even booking a table for two has been thwarted !
Just because I couldnot sense what was coming,failed to see the naked brutal truth !
All along trying not to be be impertinent and rude,I look at the black satin of my dress which I had bought especially for this dinner…the heels of black sandals appeared a little too showy now the dress kept aside tears in eyes and accepting the plain brutality of the whole situation…
I wanted to go back again recapture the moment that had gone and then it came to me that even if I did it would not be the same even the moon would be changed casting another beam,there was something chilling in the thought something a little melancholy and looking at the clock I realized that a time limit has been reached Things doesn’t always happen according to plan but yes when little of the hope dies down it hurts L
Have never wanted the whole ocean for myself just few drops but still sometime life plays clever manipulative game…
A strange sort of happiness that never would be achieved that sort which I had imagined in my lonely hours .There would be nothing feverish and urgent in my happiness ,A quite and still happiness.Forced show of affection,fake display of acceptance of the situation but yes there would be everything present but not me not the real me
The real self would be way lost to the idea of a dinner dressed in black satin black pearl and black stilettos looking forward for the long moonlight drive…experiencing magical moments fresh air whizzing past her face the strands of hair falling on her face savoring the sensual night air….sigh!
Anyway there would be no moon tonight the sky above would be inky black shot with crimson like a splash of blood…broken heart does bleed L